State of Exhaustion

Some days, you conquer the world head on and accomplish everything in sight.

Other days, you survive the day, eat popcorn for dinner, and do nothing productive but catch up on your shows. 

Today wasn't a bad day, it was just one of those days where my mind had been racing for 24 hours, and I had to make more logistical decisions at work than usual. For me, being mentally exhausted is so much harder than being physically exhausted.

When I feel physically exhausted, there's almost a sense of accomplishment. My body wouldn't be sore and tired if I hadn't done hard work to make it feel that way.

Mental exhaustion is so much harder to accept, acknowledge, and cope with. What is the limit? How tired is too tired? If I still wake up, I should be capable of doing it all...right?

My life as of late has consisted of constant appointments. Dental appointments to work on crowns and cleanings, endocrinology appointments to check up on my thyroid levels, psychiatry appointments to start and monitor new medications, eye doctor appointments for an issue that's been ignored by former optometrists for almost ten years, therapy weekly, work meetings, etc. It feels never ending.

My living space is a mess. My classroom is a mess. I'm struggling to keep up with every day tasks.

When I'm physically exhausted, my legs are so sore I can't walk. Anything and everything feels too heavy to lift. I have a migraine to the point of vomiting. I could collapse walking from my car into my house. I know the signs of physical exhaustion.

This is my sign that my mental health is exhausted. This is how I know I need to spend my evening taking care of my mind. Tonight, everything else can wait. Tonight, I'm snuggled in my favorite blankets eating double butter popcorn. I'm watching the new Station 19 and Grey's Anatomy episodes because I couldn't mentally focus on them last weekend (psst.. that was a sign I should have recognized). My alarms are set, my outfit is ready for tomorrow, and everything else is a tomorrow problem.

Moral of the story: find your signs. Make a list of signs to look for that show you're reaching mental exhaustion. Sharing them with a safe person would be beneficial, too. Sometimes they see our signs before we do. Too long without caring your your mental health can lead to serious burnout. I'm not the poster example of this practice, but I'm making strides every day to be the best version of myself.

Keep on keeping on 🤍
Xoxo Kim & Janet